I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize