what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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