I puked a lego.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
