I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
