Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I need to sanitize my soul.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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