I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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