At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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