I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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