I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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