I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
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My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
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Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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