he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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