i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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