I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
