she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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