My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
