Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
