I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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