He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
