I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
