ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
