Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
