umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
