Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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