Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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