I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize