How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
