Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
