Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
