and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
