It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
