On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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