We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
