im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
