see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
