That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
