I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
