she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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