I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
