He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
