she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
