I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
