I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
