And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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