I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
