im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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