dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
