She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
