if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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