Cold hands, warm shart.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Are my feet made of real feet?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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