consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He shit in the fireplace
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
