i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
