Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
