Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
