8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
