i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
