3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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