How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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