You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
did i just pee glitter
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