Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
