I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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