you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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