Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
