he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
