guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
