my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
