Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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