thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
