I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
