Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
