if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
