I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
