he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
