You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
