I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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