if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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