Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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