Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
