Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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